Metaphysical Matchmaker Archives - Aging and Dating

Unless You Make A Deal With The Devil, You Are Going To Age!

When once it was not considered “polite” to ask someone his or her age (especially a woman), people are now more likely than not just to blurt out, “How old are you?” And if they don’t believe your answer, they’ll ask again, “No, how old are you really?” Age is referenced all of the time. Nicole Kidman, 41, was seen out with John Doe, 42, who recently ended a romantic relationship with Molly Dolly, 34, who is now dating Joe Shmo, 29.”

Why do you think we are so obsessed with age? I remember a few years back when I was living in Chicago, I was thirty-five, and I told a guy I worked with my age and I will never forget his reaction! Sounding both surprised and mortified, the guy said to me, “Oh my God, you’re that old? I never would have guessed! Then, perhaps trying to wedge his foot out of his mouth, he added, “You look really good for thirty-five.” That person may have thought he was giving me a compliment, but I took it to mean that, being that old, I should already be a wreck, but somehow by the grace of God (or freak of nature), I was still holding up. “Yes,” I said, “I’m thirty-five. Luckily, I can still manage to dress myself and get around without a walker! Amazing isn’t it?” Another time, I even had a guy I was dating tell me that I was “well preserved.” I felt like a piece of antique furniture! In my business, I constantly hear the phrase, “She looks really good for her age, or “He looks so young for his age.” I don’t understand why anyone has to “Look good for their age” in my opinion, either someone looks good or they don’t. The age is irrelevant. Some of us have taken extremely good care of ourselves over the years and it shows, and others maybe smoked a lot, caught too many rays, had a few too many cocktails among other things, and that shows. Maybe I am way off, but I never feel complimented when someone tells me that I look good for my age. I just feel that they are saying that I am old, but don’t look that old yet like I should. I would rather be told nothing at all.

So, what this shows is that we seem to have a definite idea about what a certain age “looks like.” Age (even for those under twenty, who think that everyone older than them is “ancient”) is a baseline from which other things about that person are measured. Consider these comments:

“You look good (for your age).”

“You’ve accomplished so much (for someone your age).”

“You’re very mature (for your age.)”

“I admire that you’re still so ambitious (for someone your age).”

“You’re not financially secure (at your age)?”

“You’re having a baby (at your age)?”

“You’re in pretty good shape (for someone your age).”

Of course, physical “preservation” is often equated with age as is prowess, but consider this interesting take on it: when one of my girlfriends told a guy she was forty, he said, “You’re forty? You don’t walk like you’re forty.” Say what? Yes, we seem to have definite ideas about age, and you can bet that when men and women are looking for a partner, age is an important part of the equation (even if they say it is not!).

You might be wondering why I am telling you these age related stories, you might be thinking. Marla, what in the heck does this have to do with me attracting a soul mate into my life? Well, I am going to tell you. I want to discuss the issue of lying about your age in the dating arena. I have the advantage of seeing and hearing about what is really going on out there and here is my take on this touchy subject.

“I Might Be “Old” But I Still Feel Young

You might look young and feel young, but lying about your age almost always comes back to bite you. Even though it might get you to second base with someone, when they find out about your dishonesty and your actual age, you’ll rarely get to third base, or especially “home.” And sustaining a lie over a period of time can slow down the process of weeding out the “no-go’s” so you’re not free to get on with finding the person who is “perfect” for you. Nevertheless, lying is tempting. And in an age when being injected with Botox can have higher payoffs than being infused with character, you can be sure that fibbing about one’s age is happening a lot!

“Greta is a “young” forty-five, but she feels she must lie about her age to increase her chances of getting her “ideal” date. She tells me, “Who is going to want to date a woman older than thirty-five? I don’t want to get stuck just dating the old guys, but if I lay my age on the line right off the bat, my chances for dating guys my own age are over.” Luckily for Greta and other women like her, at a time when fifty is the new forty, and forty is the new thirty, we can often get away with telling a guy to his face that we are younger, and they may very well believe it. But does this dating tactic work? Not too often.

As a professional matchmaker, it has been my experience that women want me to put a younger age down on their file, saying that they’ll “come clean” about their real age at a later date. Their reasoning is that if men knew the truth about their age, the men wouldn’t want to meet them, but once they saw her in person, they’d be so impressed by the “total package,” as well as their youthful appearance, that age would no longer matter. (And yes, men lie about their age too and for the same reasons). But lying is not a good idea. Keep in mind that when it comes to finding a “partner for life,” you’re not auditioning for a part in a movie. You are looking to meet your life partner and things like truth and integrity matter! It’s not smart to start off a relationship with a “little white lie.” Yes, I know that many of us do not look, act, or feel our age, but even if we feel we are “ageless and timeless,” honesty really is the best policy when it comes to “interviewing” someone if you’re looking to become “Mr. & Mrs.” Besides, once you’re a couple, you can’t keep your driver’s license or your passport under the mattress forever!

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