What Must You Do to Be Fully You?

What must you do to be fully you? As I sat on a recent Sunday morning watching one of my beautiful dogs dig yet another hole in our backyard, I was struck by how effortlessly and routinely she does this. It isn't motivated by a desire to ruin our landscaping, rather as a husky mix, it comes naturally for her to dig holes to nest in. It's what she does. I then began to notice things our other two dogs do as naturally as breathing. Max, the golden retriever, gets stuff in his mouth. Of course, he retrieves! Bella, the miniature Eskimo digs and then attempts to cover things by using her nose to push the dirt over them, much as she would snow if she were in a cold climate. They are simply being who they are.

It was one of those "aha" moments when I began to ask myself the question, "What must I do to be more fully me?" A variation on this, and a question I often ask when I do seminars or speeches is: "What conditions or qualities need to be present consistently for you to be your best?"

For me, I realize I need regular bouts of solitude-no noise, no people, no mental activity, no schedule to keep-to balance out those periods where I am immersed in the opposite. (The past week comes to mind!) There are other qualities that must be present for me to be my best...contribution, laughter, social interaction, enriching conversation.

For my friend Louise, who just left a job that stifled her to the point of insanity, she has recognized in a new and profound way that as an independent, self-directed and highly disciplined person, she has to have a work environment that values and allows her to fully express those qualities. Her boss was the consummate micro-manager, whose controlling style created an environment where Louise could no longer be herself. When she woke up and realized she was exchanging the very essence of who she is for a paycheck, the resignation letter wrote itself!

What about you? What must you do...what conditions or qualities need to be present for you to be your best?

Back to my dogs for a moment. If we insisted that our "digger dog" Dusty stop digging we would deprive her of the very thing(s) she is "hard-wired" to do. How often do we discipline and punish ourselves and others for the values and characteristics they (and we) most need to be themselves? Think about the creative child who gets shoved into a mold that makes them feel unvalued because they aren't math whizzes. Think about the employee who is gifted in a particular way but has no outlet to use the gift. What about you? Are you fully expressing your values and giving the best of yourself in your life, your work, your relationships?

I understand that discipline and structure are essential to becoming successful, productive members of society. But so often we mistakenly dismiss the very things we most need in our lives to be not just successful but fulfilled. We "devalue" those essential qualities and in the process devalue ourselves and the gifts we have to bring to the world.

The great myth researcher and writer Joseph Campbell once commented that "hell is living someone else's values." Whose values are you living? If not your own, then someone else's. Take some time this week to ask and answer the question: What must I do to be more fully me?

And as you discover the answers to that question, start taking small steps to weave those values, conditions and qualities into your life. Do you value beauty? Find a way to bring more beauty into your life. Do you value vitality? What conditions must be present or must you let go of to have greater vitality? Do you thrive in an atmosphere of joy or peace or laughter? How can you sprinkle more of those precious ingredients into your recipe for life?

Lest you be tempted to put off answering this question, here's another one: What is it costing me to not fully express those values, qualities or conditions in my life? What is it costing my family, my community, the world,? Do not let another week go by mindlessly marching to the beat of someone else's drummer.

What must you do to be more fully you? Make this the week you find out.