Metaphysical Matchmaker With Marla Martenson Archives - Date Like a Guy

Date Like A Guy

There are some areas in dating and in life that you can really benefit by taking a lesson from men. John Gray says that Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, and I happened to agree. So let’s take a look at what we can learn from our Martian brothers shall we?

Men are not drama queens. At least straight men aren’t. They keep their dramas and dating disasters to themselves. They want to be brave and show no weakness. So often women will remark about their partners, “It’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk about his problems.” By nature, men are controlled, competitive and defensive. They hide their emotions to stay in control. Men are taught to “act like a man” or told, “men don’t cry.”  Women tend to love to rehash everything so much so that many even write books and blogs about their experiences therefore keeping it alive. If a man has a problem he will withdraw and take care of business. Women tend to spill their guts to a man on a first or second date and tell them everything from their financial woes to their physical ailments. Women are hardwired to talk and “get out” our feelings, which might be one of the reasons why we live longer, we don’t hold things in. But we can learn to tone this down. If you really need to express yourself you can write in a journal, talk to a therapist, spiritual counselor or girlfriend. In her book “Enchanted Love,” Marianne Williamson writes, “There’s nothing more powerful than a woman who knows how to contain her power and not let it leak, standing firmly within it in mystery and silence. A woman who talks too much sheds her allure.”

Men aren’t ready to take care of all of your problems, clean your house, run your errands and rub your feet after the first date. Men generally take care of themselves first. For a man, listening to a woman’s problems is a lot of work because he feels like he has no choice but to solve all them. Women are naturally nurturing and caregivers. It is a wonderful quality be to caring and loving, but don’t be afraid to be a bit selfish, take care of yourself first and let the man fend for himself. Women often think that the more they do for a man, the more he will appreciate her and want to be with her. Not so. He will probably be grateful to you, but he won’t respect you. And he will start expecting you to take care of all the details all of the time. When in early stages of dating, never do for a man what he can do for himself or hire someone to do. You are not a maid, a caterer, errand runner or a laundry mat. You have a life and a career to tend to as well. Of course it is great to reciprocate if he is taking you out a lot, be a classy person like you would with a girlfriend, but there is no need to act like his mommy and jump in and take care of everything.

Men usually don’t go exclusive with a woman after one date. They want to keep their options open and see what’s out there. I am always a bit surprised when a female client will call me up and say, “Marla, don’t match me up any more, I just met someone and we really hit it off, he’s everything that I’m looking for, thanks.” Or even worse, when I match a woman with one of my male clients and after the first date, she doesn’t want to meet anyone else, but I know for a fact that he is still dating to see whom he feels the most chemistry with. I tell these ladies to date like a guy and keep their options open. Then if it doesn’t work out with this guy who is everything you are looking for, you will still be out there meeting people and have a few irons in the fire and won’t feel as hurt or disappointed if he moves on.

 Men don’t talk about their relationships or where things are going. They are more into action, not words. I don’t believe in love at first sight, however I do believe in lust at first sight. Just see how things go, let him prove himself to you, make sure that he has the qualities that you are looking for in another person. And if you have to ask where the relationship is going, well, it’s goin’ nowhere.  I hear women all of the time referring to their boyfriend, or talking about how they are in a relationship with a guy and they just met him three weeks ago! Until you have been dating exclusively for at least a few months, you are not in a relationship. You are dating the guy. I remember talking to one of my girlfriends once about the guy she was dating and she said testily, “We’re not dating, we’re together.”  Oh, excuse me I thought. They weren’t married, living together or engaged, so I would call that dating.

Men don’t over analyze things. Women will try to figure out what the guy meant when he said this or that, or what it meant that he called at a certain time, or did or didn’t do something. It is exhausting. Men just go along their merry way dating and having a good time while women are driving themselves crazy trying to be a psychic, psychiatrist, or mind reader about every little thing.

Also, men don’t expect other men to talk about much when they are together. They don’t ask each other about their day, what they did at work or whom is dating whom. No, they will shoot the breeze with topics like sports, cars, the stock market, etc.

Men also date up. They have no problem expecting to date a woman with super model looks while they themselves could hit the gym to lose fifty pounds. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to have the self -esteem of a man? I know that I am speaking to every one of you wonderful ladies out there who are constantly checking them-selves out in the mirror to see if you look fat in your pants. I do the same thing. I have not once heard a man whether he was my friend, boyfriend or husband mention or ask me whether he looks fat or if I liked his hair or outfit. Most men are perfectly fine with the way they look, they are what they are, and they happily go about their business of trying to pick up a smoking hot woman. So much so that they will hold off getting married for years and years until they find exactly what they want. I have had countless male clients who were forty-five plus who had never been married.  Where on the other hand, women often date down. They think maybe time is running out to find a husband or they are lonely or there aren’t many single men left so they go ahead and date or marry someone with qualities less than they would like.