Metaphysical Matchmaker Archives - Mixed Messages

Mixed Messages, Jumping to Conclusions and General Chaos!

The human mind (ego) can play some pretty nasty tricks on us at times. Very often I will give a gentleman info on a new match with her phone number and he will call her, excited to meet a new lady and hoping that she will be “the one” this time. A day or two or three will pass and I will get a phone call from him notifying me that his match has not returned his phone call. Then he will go on and on with possible scenarios as to why she did not return his call. “Maybe she got back with her ex, or she is not serious about finding a relationship, or she probably did not like my voice on the phone or my description.” I sit there listening and then give my usual response, “The fact is, you don’t have any idea why she has not returned your call so why make-up these elaborate reasons and stress yourself out. Let me call her and find out and I will let you know.”  More often than not, I will call or e-mail the lady and ask what is going on and she usually was just swamped with work, had family in from out of town, or she herself was out of town and was planning to call him as soon as she had a free moment to relax and talk to him. It was not that she went back to her ex, did not like his voice, etc. etc.

Below are some examples of situation’s from my clients and how people totally jump to conclusions and this perpetuates the frustration and negativity around dating in general:

Hi Marla,

Update on Marissa. Believe it or not, I never saw her again. We had a fantastic first date. I mean it really clicked. I tried to play it cool, but she grabbed my hand to hold it while walking to her car. She told me to kiss her. We then made plans for our next date. Over the next two weeks, things came up with her, for example at work, with family and then sickness. But she kept insisting how much she wanted to see me again. We were all set to see each other last Sunday but then she called and told me she had the chicken pox. I said something like, “I’m sorry you are sick, let’s try to do something when you are feeling better. Midweek I phoned. She never returned my call. I have not talked to her since. I don’t get it? I feel like I got teased. I am asking you to contact her and get feedback for me.

Thank you,

Nathan

(I did get feedback from Marissa, she told me that she really likes Nathan but she has been very sick and planned to call him as soon as she was feeling better. So, Nathan jumped to his own conclusions and felt teased and frustrated when in fact, there was nothing wrong, Marissa was just ill. If someone does not get back to you right away, keep yourself busy with other things. Don’t jump to conclusions, because you really have no idea what the other person is thinking.)

~ 

Hi Marla,

I finally was able to go out with Andy last night. His age was great, he was really nice and fun, but he was not my type physically at all… his looks and slicked back hair. I go more for a rugged or pretty boy. He was nice at dinner… but a little self- absorbed with his talk on music and the band, but really a gentleman. The only issue I had is that he texed me this evening and told me he had a great time and I let him know that I did too but would like to be friends and he was quite rude in his response… kind of put me down… not a graceful loser so to speak. I am just telling you this in case you give the guys guidance about how to date because that is definitely a put off and I wouldn’t even be friends with him at this point. You are very close…. just someone a little more with a sensitive spot perhaps? I am interested in meeting the right guy. Thanks sweetie and take care, Judy

I e-mailed Andy and gave him her feedback. He was totally confused and sent me this e-mail:

Wasn’t rude, just honest. Here is the exact texting:

Me: Nice meeting you last night!

Her: Thx. U2! Would love to be friends.

Me: Thanks anyway, didn’t really feel a connection either. Good luck 2 you though…

Her: Glad we’re on the same page. Take care!

Don’t think that as rude, right? Again she was just so into herself, talked about herself and her business the entire time, not really asking me any questions or even caring. Anyway, just wanted you to know how the text went so you can judge for yourself.

Thanks, Andy

So Judy felt that Andy talked too much about his music and the band, and Andy felt that Judy was self- absorbed and talked the whole time about herself. Judy interpreted Andy’s good luck text as being a sore loser. With this couple, the chemistry was clearly lacking, but I do find it very interesting that they both felt that the other spoke mostly about themselves.

This next couple went out together twice. The second date, they went to the mall. Nicki said that Arnold offered to take her shopping, which she interpreted as he was paying. She came into my office all upset that she ended up buying a $300 coat and a $150 dress that she could not afford and was going to have to return the clothes.

This is his take on it:

Marla,

I did not offer to take her shopping. I asked her what she was doing on Sunday and she said that she was going to the Grove to buy gifts, so I told her maybe we should meet up there and hang out. I never offered to buy her anything but I did buy her a $260 pair of jeans; which she did not even thank me for! She was not at all interested in me. She did not even ask one question about me. On Friday night she made up an excuse and left me at 10:45 p.m.

Since Sunday she had called me 10 times and demanded that I go buy her the stuff she has on hold!! When she was trying on the clothes and asking my opinion, I kept telling her to buy it only if she can afford it! She only wanted me to buy her the clothes and did not have any interest in being with me. I would have rather spent time cleaning my house. Who does she think I am, her father or her sugar daddy? Even after I got home I decided to go ahead and buy the clothes for her. I texted her to tell her that but she didn’t even have the decency to text me back that night and say thank-you, she texted me yesterday only to ask me what happened!!!

I talked to Arnold and told him his big mistake was to agree to go shopping with a girl on a second date. Shopping trips are for after you have been dating a while or are in a relationship. I have seen too many shopping dates go bad.