Betty Mahalik
Coach, Speaker
& Trainer

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Tools for Transition 

First, I want to thank you my wonderful readers and co-creators for so many fabulous ideas on how to send our son off to college.  I’ve shared many of them with him.  We have successfully crossed the 1^st bridge:  getting him there, set up in his dorm, and us safely home.  And we’re all still here!  This week, what has been on my mind for obvious reasons, is transitions and how to navigate them more gracefully.

Just about everyone I know is in some kind of life transition—whether the loss of a loved one from death, divorce or illness; a major lifestyle change like sending a son or daughter off to college, a change in career, job direction or status—lots and lots of change!!  And I’ve been reminded that while change can happen in an instant, transition is a longer-term proposition that happens in fits and starts.  Some days you’re the windshield, some days you’re the bug! 

So I’ve created a list of “tools” to use in the transition.  There are probably many I haven't thought of, but I hope you find these helpful as you ride out the sea of change you may be in today. 

1)    Values—know them.  When you face major transition, it’s valuable to know what you value!  For example, if one of my values is deep and sincere relationships, I will continue to honor that value during times of transition.  I will do things to nurture relationships with others in my life—whether they are near or far away.  Knowing and nurturing what we value allows us to stay in integrity and not try to “cover” the pain of loss during transition.  And sometimes we discover that the things we value are different than what we thought they were.

2)    Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.  This I can’t emphasize enough!  During this time when our son was preparing to go to college, we have been fortunate to be surrounded by others who have crossed the bridge before us.  We have been reminded of all the things we’ve done right rather than cautioned about everything that might go wrong.  Right now that’s what I need—people who are positive and have the capacity to support us even if they themselves aren’t experiencing the change or loss right now.

3)    Stay (or get) involved.  Look for ways to be of service or make a contribution.  Nothing leaves you feeling emptier than sitting home feeling sorry for yourself.  That is not to say you don’t honor your need for alone time, but don’t spend it feeding your loneliness or sadness.  This past weekend I spent an hour helping pack backpacks for students at two disadvantaged schools.  What a sense of joy to participate in something so simple yet so worthwhile.  Where can you plug in and make a contribution?

4)    Nurture yourself.  There will be days you simply need to be quiet; to pull back and connect with yourself emotionally, spiritually, even physically.  If you’re fatigued, rest.  If you’re not feeling well, have a “chicken soup” day.  If you need support, reach out to one of those positive, supportive people in your life.  Transitions are times to practice what coach’s often refer to as, “extreme self care.”  It may be the most difficult thing for those who prefer to mask pain with constant busyness, activity and/or work, but it is absolutely necessary to navigating transition!

5)    Understand the phases of transition and remember the wisdom in these words:  “This too shall pass.”  Know where you are on the transition continuum—from resistance and denial to complete acceptance and even appreciation.  It’s not a linear process this transition but it does “end” as we come to accept and even embrace the new reality.  There may even be a time you’ll be able to acknowledge the change with gratitude!  But for right now take it a day at a time.

6)    Remember that change and transition in this life are mandatory, but suffering is optional!  Every day make a list of what you’re grateful for.  Even though you’re possibly hurting and in pain, look for the beauty that is everywhere.  Choose to celebrate what is while you’re letting go of what is no longer.  Know that every day will bring its joys so be on the lookout.  And if you don’t see it, find a way to create some for yourself or another. 

I walk by our son’s empty bedroom, and instead of seeing him gone, I imagine him standing in the sunlight, enjoying the feeling of freedom and adventure that await him on his college journey.  I know he is also in transition and there will be moments of confusion and doubt.  So guess I’ll be adding him to my Monday Morning Coach distribution list and hoping he finds these tools for transition useful as well.  In the meantime, this week, wherever life is taking you embrace the journey!