Monday Morning Coach Archives - Not Why But What

Not "Why" but "What"

When things don’t go our way, which seems to happen on a pretty consistent basis for the human race, the tendency is to stop, drop back and ask the proverbial question “why?”   

Why is this happening?

Why do I have to go through all of this?

Why is my company doing XYZ?

Why is this person making me crazy?

 Why did this awful thing have to happen?

Why is the economy so awful?

Why didn't I get that sale, job, contract?

Why, why, why? 

What I’ve discovered about the question “Why?”  is that there is never a satisfactory answer!  And continually asking “why” will send you into a dizzying round of tail-chasing, wound-licking, victim thinking, that drives you deeper into stuck.  Picture a car, stuck in deep sand or mud, the driver gunning the engine to try and get out, only to succeed in digging the car in deeper and you’ll know what I mean. 

There is another question we can ask though, that leads us out of “stuck” and down a path of problem-solving, creative thinking and Plan B strategy.  It knocks victim thinking on its butt and puts us back in the driver’s seat of our experience.  That question is “What?” 

More specifically: 

What will I use this experience for? 

What can I learn from this so I don’t have to experience it again?

What is life showing me?

 What might I do to help others avoid the same trap?

What do I need to let go of?

What do I need to pay attention to? 

There can be a hundred satisfying and productive answers to questions like that!

 Do an experiment today:  Think of an experience or event that has happened recently in your life.  You may want to start with something relatively simple or small, that you’ve been asking “why” about.  For example:  “Why did I forget to pay that bill and now I have a late fee?”  Or, “Why did so and so say that to me?”  “Why did I say or do that?” 

Now shift the question from why to “What?” 

What will I learn from this late fee experience so I don’t have to go through it again?” 

What could I learn from what he/she said to me?

What can I do to stop people from saying hurtful things to me?

What "safeguards" or systems could I add to prevent XYZ from happening?

Come up with a list of options to your “what” questions and see if it doesn’t shift your thinking from victim to victor.  This can be especially valuable if you tend to find yourself hitting the same roadblocks or having the same negative, unwanted experiences on a consistent basis.  It is life’s way of getting your attention and telling you to do something different.  Starting with “What” or “What for” or “What would I rather be creating/experiencing here?” is the way to begin the shift. 

Friends, none of us can predict the things that will happen in our lives.  But we can make the commitment to learn from every experience; to define how we choose to respond to challenges.  We can begin to shift the focus from blame to responsibility and resourcefulness by changing the questions we ask when something unfortunate or unwanted happens. 

The fool continues to shift blame to the outside by asking “why?"  The wise person recognizes that change happens from within and begins with the simple question, “What?”  

Now join me in asking, “What can I do today that will make a difference, help me move beyond an obstacle, learn something new or learn a lesson that will lead me in the direction of my highest good?”  From this vantage point the possibilities are endless! 

Have an amazing, abundant week!