Unhook Yourself from the Madness

They come hurtling toward us like a runaway train, filled with all manner of expectations and attachments. "They" are the holidays, and I'm here today to remind you (and myself) that you do have a choice about what they mean to you. I encourage you to unhook yourself from the madness perpetrated by mainstream media, Madison Avenue, perhaps your own family and friends, and decide exactly what your intention is for your holidays rather than let others dictate how you'll honor them.

What prompted this week's message was an ad I saw for "Ninja Assassins", a new blood and gore-filled movie opening "just in time" for Thanksgiving. I don't know about you, but Ninja assassins, blood, gore and violence are not usually what I like to associate with Thanksgiving. But it was a powerful reminder that the holidays have been hijacked and used for all kinds of commercial purposes that are a far cry from their original intention. And many times we have unwittingly been hijacked into the holiday nonsense and frenzy as well.

So what are your intentions for the holidays this year? If you choose not to clarify them, make no mistake someone or something else will choose for you. It may not be Ninja assassins, but it could be the mistaken notion that unless your table looks like Martha Stewart's it's not good enough. It may be that unless your family and children have more presents to open at Christmas or Hanukah than last year you've somehow failed them. It may be that you simply must attend every holiday party and event calendared between now and January 1st. It may be that you must make up somehow for not staying in better touch with family and friends throughout the year which sets you up for unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

As I think about how I want to honor the holidays this year, here are some guidelines that may also be helpful to you. There's still time to make this holiday season special, but it may not look like it has in years past.

1. Set your intentions now. What do the holidays mean to you? What would you like to feel like throughout this festive and often hectic season? How do you want to show up during the holidays? Frazzled and frantic or calm, centered and joyful? Don't allow the media, Madison Avenue and other people to dictate how you'll experience your holidays! As I think about the holiday season and what I want to experience, it's about sharing and inclusion. Who can we share with that might not receive much, whether a dinner invitation, a phone call, a small gift? I also want to give others the opportunity to contribute to the festivities.

2. Take time for yourself. Don't abandon your self-care routines, especially at the holidays. If there's ever a time you need to honor your own need for exercise, solitude, reflection or whatever else nourishes you, please maintain those routines during the holidays. Not only will you stay on a more even keel during the hectic, expectation-filled season, you'll have less to regret and hopefully no extra weight to lose once the season has come to an end.

3. Focus on the present. Nothing is more likely to derail your holiday season than dwelling in the past, trying to compensate for some lack or void from years gone by. We can't make up for the past, nor can we live in the future, trying to avoid some future mistake. Stay centered in the present, and embrace its gifts and surprises.

4. Let others help. Invite them to help. Ask them to help. Having a dinner gathering or holiday party? Make it a potluck. Everyone always asks what they can bring anyway so let them help you create the party. Ask someone else to wrap the gifts. Be willing to lower your standards for what doesn't matter!! I guarantee you'll remember and smile about the gifts your children or spouse wrapped with 30 pieces of tape and lopsided bows, much more than those that you slaved over to make them look like something in a holiday magazine spread.

5. Slow down. Nothing creates stress, anxiety and frayed nerves more than speed. Gandhi put it well when he said, "there has to be more to life than just increasing its speed." Go the speed limit. Stop talking on your cell phone and multitasking. Take time to really enjoy the sights and sounds of the season when shopping, rather than barreling through the stores like a Formula 1 race car driver. Plan extra time to do everything since most things take longer than we anticipate anyway. Decline invitations that are simply adding an extra burden to your already full calendar. And make sure to include those things you enjoy...touring the neighborhood looking at holiday lights, reading inspirational messages or watching a favorite holiday movie.

6. Simplify and set realistic expectations. At the end of the holiday season comes another day, another month, another year. What happens during this 5-week time frame is not the be all, end all. Be realistic about what you can afford, and stick with it. Instead of doing "secret Santas" and spending money on people who don't need another little trinket, suggest that your office or gift exchange circle do something for those who might not otherwise have a gift to open. And remember, perfection is a surefire spirit killer, so give yourself a break and let go of unreasonable standards and expectations. DO NOT let others lay a guilt trip on you for choosing to spend the holidays your way!

We do have a choice. We can decide for ourselves what the holidays mean and then honor them accordingly. I invite you now to unhook yourself from the madness, set your own intention and remember my friends, that sharing yourself is the best gift of all.

Have a wonderful week!